Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Created For Good Purpose

When I was pregnant with Cesalie I found a baby/pregnancy website where pregnant women go on and talk about their pregnancies with other pregnant moms week by week. Then after you have the baby you can share your babies experiences month by month. You can create your own VIP page and it's really a lot of fun. They have a site search and every once in a while I will go on the site search and type in Down syndrome. A lot of the expectant mom's are having Nuchal scans, CVS's, Ultrasounds and Amnios. I just feel like if I found someone who's baby is going to be born w/ Down syndrome, I could send them a message and tell them about my Rylie and offer support to them. Actually I have done this! Anyway, today I decided to do a site search on Down syndrome and this is what I found:

had a nuchal scan..thats when they 1st thought my baby mght have a chromosome problem. and sure enough i got the cvs and the baby has down syndrome. its so0 depressing reading about how the baby looks right now. im terminating the pregnancy. i dont want to but im so0 young and i think its for the best. i think its the right decision for me. i feel horible and im extremely depressed. 2 miscarriages and now this..hope you all have healthy and happy pregnancies and never have to go thru nething like im goin thru. baby dust to all!

By the time I went to this persons VIP page(which was as soon as I read this) I realized she had already terminated the pregnancy. I am shocked and saddened? WHY? Because, apparently if you are going to have a child like Rylie, then that child does not deserve to live. Why didn't anyone in the medical field direct this poor girl to another parent of a child with Down syndrome. Why couldn't someone in the medical field convince this poor girl that people with Down syndrome can do things like walk, talk, run, learn, have fun, enjoy their families, make friends, fall in love, get married, swim, ride horses, play t- ball, play soccer, go to dance class, gymnastics and countless other things. Why didn't someone tell this poor girl that children with Down syndrome don't suffer from some horrible disease. Down syndrome is not a disease by the way.

Now, believe me ,I know that there are children with Down syndrome who have multiple health issues. I know there are children with Down syndrome who are not verbal and maybe will never walk. But does that mean their life is not worth living? Absolutely not! Their parents love them just the same and know they are blessed, despite health issues. Any child can be born healthy and then unfortunately can end up getting sick, or having a tragic accident that could leave them with brain damage. Would anyone then say, this child who was once perfect and healthy should no longer live. Of course nobody would ever say that! Why do some people think only healthy, perfect babies have the right to be born. I'm so sick of it. Some people in this world think a person like Rylie shouldn't be born. People need to be informed. Our blogs need to reach all types of people, not just those of us who have kids with Down syndrome. Doctors need to send the expectant parents to us , not the genetic counselors whose job it is to tell the expectant parent how much time they have left to get an abortion. By the way, I know there are good doctors and counslers out there, who do encourage the parents and give them the positives, but since 90% of Down syndrome fetuses are aborted, I don't think there are too many. Just my opinion.

Expectant parents need to be informed of the positives. And, yes they should also be aware of the health issues that may or may not arise. But they shouldn't be pressured or talked into an abortion just because the baby has an extra chromosome. I wish these doctors and genetic counselors would push for ADOPTION. There are hundreds if not thousands of people out there who would love to adopt a child with Down syndrome.

I don't think there is anything wrong with having Nuchal scans, ultrasounds or amnio's. I had the Nuchal scan when I was pregnant with Cesalie and ultrasounds with all three of my girls. I just don't think these test should be used as ELIMINATION tools.

Recently Alaskan Governor Sarah Palin gave birth to a baby with Down syndrome. You can read all about it by clicking here. I love what the family said in a press release:

Trig is beautiful and already adored by us. We knew through early testing he would face special challenges, and we feel privileged that God would entrust us with this gift and allow us unspeakable joy as he entered our lives. We have faith that every baby is created for good purpose and has potential to make this world a better place. We are truly blessed."

That is music to my ears. And that is the whole point of this post, that every baby is created for good purpose.


RK said...

GREAT post, Val. Really good. I have been talking with some moms on a couple of forums that have received prenatal dx. It's so hard to see their fear and shock, as I remember that feeling when Braska was diagnosed at birth, yet it tears me up to think they just make decisions on so little, and often wrong, information.

I try to come up with the right things to say, to encourage and inform, (maybe you saw my post on downsyn asking for thoughts from others) but I always feel like I haven't said enough. Then I just pray and trust.

It breaks my heart too...the joy that these parents are just throwing away. It's become part of my purpose, and I think that's part of Braska's purpose, why she was given to me. That's a big responsibility, and I accept, even though I still have tons to learn!

Michelle said...

Great post! I agree - parents need to be informed & educated. Nothing's wrong with testing to find out if extra care is needed, but not solely as an elimination tool.

Ruby is such an amazing baby, and she fills our life with happiness & joy. Every day I look at her & my only regret is that her sister isn't her with us, too.

Debbie @ Three Weddings said...

Just today I got a call from my mom because my 2nd cousin's wife is pregnant and just got the blood results saying the baby may have Down syndrome. I've tried to call my cousin (grandma) but she hasn't called back. I want to talk to the mom. I'm afraid other grandma may be pushing for termination. Your post couldn't be more timely for me. Please pray from my cousin, her son, daughter-in-law and unborn grandchild. Thank you for such a well written post.

Melanie said...

Hearing about another baby who was not given a chance makes me so sad and I also wish someone could have talked with her. We just have to keep doing our best to get the correct information out there!

Michelle said...

what a sad post from that young mother! It doesn't sound like she was given any positive information, how unfortunate.

When I was pg this last time I joined one of those pg boards (I was very active on a TTC board before I got pg w/Kayla) but this time I just lurked, just didn't have the time or energy to post on a pg board - but I did the same thing - every so often I would do a search on Ds just to see if there was someone I could help offer a positive perspective to.

Anonymous said...

With your permission, I would like to assign this post in my bioethics class.

Please let me know if this is okay with you.

ewakeman at collegeofidaho dot edu

thank you

rylie's mom said...

Elizabeth Wakeman-YES!!Absolutely you have my permission, thank you!
I e -mailed you also.

Anonymous said...


This post made me cry. That poor baby didn't have a chance. Along with those tests, they should offer the education on Downs or anything else. "created for good purpose" - that is so true!

Cousin Lisa

Unknown said...

great post! we need to keep on the congress, too...because most of the fear instilled in the new moms...COMES FROM THE DR!!

that still blows me away.

we need a chance to get to them, before the dr does! how impossible is THAT...but we continue trying.

nice to meetcha!

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